A Sandiegan Moves North
Author Unknown - Edited by Ramana Katragadda - February 02, 2010

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December 8th 5:00 p.mIt's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful.

December 9thWe awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white snow covering the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Every tree and shrub covered with a beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years and loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later, a city snowplow came along and accidentally covered of our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved back and shoveled it again.

December 10thIt snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has dropped to around 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrub snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again. Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of the snow is now brownish-gray.

December 11thWarmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both cars. Fell on my ass in the driveway. $145.00 for a chiropractor, but nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.

December 12thStill, cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get her to work. Slid into a guard rail anyway and did considerable damage to the right rear quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of that white shit last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crust. More shoveling in store for me today. That goddamn snowplow came by twice today.

December 13th2 degrees outside. More freekin' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater, which tipped over and damned near burned the house down. I managed to put the flames out and suffered second degree burns on my hands and lost all my eyelashes and eyebrows. The car slid on ice on the way to the emergency room and was totaled.

December 14thGoddamn mother-freekin white shit keeps on coming down. Have to put on all the clothes we own just to get to the freekin' mailbox. If I ever catch the son of a bitch that drives the snowplow I'll kick his freekin' ass. I think he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street about 100 mph and buries our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part of the roof has started to cave in.

December 15th 8 more goddamn freekin' inches of freekin' snow and freekin' sleet and freekin' ice and who knows what other kind of white shit fell last night. I wounded the freekin' snowplow asshole with an ice ax, but he got away. Freekin' wife left. Freekin' car won't start. I think I'm going freekin' snow blind. I can't move my freekin' toes. I haven't seen the freekin' sun in weeks. More freekin' snows predicted. Wind chill factor--22 freekin' degrees. Screw this freekin' shit. I'm moving to the Paradise!

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